Strangely however, I rarely use it as a phone, so when I am asked to “phone someone you wouldn’t normally call”, it could easily mean any of my friends as I do not normally call anybody.

It is obvious therefore that I need to look further a field to ensure I fulfil this challenge as I cannot easily distinguish between which of my friends I would and would not normally call.

I needed to ring an absolute stranger.

But how to ensure I speak to a complete stranger? Fortunately, as luck would have it, I just so happen to be a geek and this meant I just so happened to have the answer to my dilemma.  Dice!

Picking up a handful, I rolled them until I had the requisite amount of numbers for a phone number and dialled it. The line did not exist. Undeterred I rolled again. The line did not exist. Once again I rolled again. The Line, once again, did not exist. This may not have been the perfect plan I felt it might be.  I took one of my 10 sided beauties away and assumed the first number should be a “0″ then rolled again.  The line; the line did not exist. I rang a second time and  the line did not, as before, exist.  Then a third time and once again, a swing and a miss!

So I took away another dice and assumed the first 2 numbers would be “01″, limiting contact to it land lines, but giving us a pretty good chance of us getting a number that rung.

The next 8 rolls did there very best to prove us wrong, but as I rang for the ninth time after dejectedly throwing the dice across the table, the long monotone drone of a nonexistent line was replaced by the bright cheery ring of a connection.  It worked! On the other end of the line was a complete and utter stranger. I waited for them to pick up, eager to brighten their day with words of good natured positivity.

No Answer.

Crap.

I kept rolling, the next 16 rolls came up with unconnected lines. On the seventeenth call, we once again heard the cheery buzz of a ringing phone.  This could be it. The phone was answered by a gentleman. That, sadly, is all the information I have.

Answerer: “Hello?”

Mikey: “Hello this is Mikey! I just wanted to say how lovely you are”

Answerer: “Sorry? Who is it calling?”

Mikey: “It’s Mikey! I just wanted to say how lovely you are.”

Answerer: “I’m sorry, who is it you want to speak to?”

Mikey: “You! I’m just ringing to tell you how lovely you are.  You’re lovely!”

Answerer: Um, thanks.

Mikey: You’re welcome!

Answerer: Bye

Sadly before I could cheerily tell them goodbye, they had gone, but I am utterly certain that there like was improved by my call.  If only them going away happy that they are “Not as weird as that freak!”

Either way, it was a hoot; I highly recommend you confuse the living hell out of some random person. I would probably suggest that you find a better way of randomly finding a random person, but other than that. Brilliant fun!

Actually, I had another go.  This time it took just 5 rolls to get a ringing tone, but another 21 rolls to get one that connected thought to another human being. Sadly it turned out of to be an answer-phone. I left a message regardless.

“Hello! This is Mikey. I’m just calling to tell you how lovely you are! You are lovely! Everybody thinks so!”

Hopefully they’ll enjoy that.

Okay, so I’m not stupid and tend to do well in both psychometric and isometric intelligence tests.  This of course is because I spent a significant portion of my University life writing psychometric and isometric intelligence tests and know how to complete them, but that (I think you’ll agree) is beside the point.

If I’m not a smart cookie, I’m certainly a clever biscuit; but not a know it all.  Most of my knowledge comes from repeats of the BBC programme QI, sporadic ventures into the Wikipedia page and a correspondance course with the University of “a bloke down the pub told me”. I am sufre you’ll agree that this is hardly the bibliography of somebody lauded for their intellect.

That’s beside the point I suppose.  A challenge is a challenge and I should try and undertake it.  I admit that I am a little nervous about undertaking this challenge. I would be essentially wiping out my personality for an entire day for a bet.

It was probably a good idea to get a specialist’s opinion and fortunately the lovely Ninfa suggested an expert to speak to.  In short order I emailed Oke Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching for advice on my challenge.

Gary from the clinic got back to me in short order and after being reassured by Ninfa that I wasn’t a madman, he sent me the following response.

“First of all, I won’t advise it, I lost an entire day once, many years ago and it was an unpleasantly freaky experience. Secondly, this would not be possible with hypnosis.”

Gary, it seemed, knew what he has taking about. Not only was he an expert in Hynosis, he’d also lost a day of his life and knew what I was aiming to achieve. I had no reason to doubt his word as I had made it clear that I was asking him for details so that he would make a sale. Essentially, it was in his best interests to hynotise me, so for him to decline to do so meant that it probably really was as he said it was.

Now I’m not the sort of chap to shy away from freaky experiences, regardless as to their position on the pleasantness scale, but I do draw the line at achieving impossible things.  It’s all well and good the White Queen believing six impossible things before breakfast, but she had the advantage of being imaginary.

I am not imaginary.

You might have to take my word on that.

Anyway, as I’ve been advised by an expert that being hypnotised into ignorance is not possible, I’m sad to say that I cannot complete the challenge, therefore I am sad to say:

Challenge Failed. For now at least, until I can think of a way round the seemingly impossible.

At the awards, with co-writer Lou. Yes I'm aware how silly my moustache looks

Last night we went to the UK Larp Awards 2012. The awards were a somewhat drunken affair and I was glad of the company of Lou, my co-writer for the game and her husband Adam who was our major crew member at the game. We’d been nominated for the Best Newcomer awards and the competition was pretty impressive. We went to cheer on folks, take pictures for the organisers and generally have a laugh. Um….

We won.

Victoriana, the game we ran for a challenge won the best newcomer awards at the UK Larp awards. We were over the moon. Completely lovely feeling. I have a badge and a certificate and a cheery smile on my face. The after party was lively too. This, by the way, means we’re judges next year. I think we’re going to be totally open to bribery.

I’d write more, but I’m very hungover on a train back to Manchester. Might have a little nappy-nap.

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. Plautus

Beautiful. Beautiful man. Anyway, where was I? Worms? right.

Despite all these things, It’s just, I don’t know. Essentially:

Worms are a bit too icky for my liking.

So for the past few decades I’m managed to get along without interfering with the everyday lives of worms. I don’t bother them, they don’t bother me. It’s as simple as that. Therefore the idea of me adopting a worm, filled me with a stomach turning dread.  Do I have to have it in the house?  I seemed to recall American television while I grew up showing Worm Farms that you could buy to care for your worm in.  This would essentially mean that I would have a foot of dirt, plastered between two pieces of glass somewhere in my house with a worm wriggling though it. Now ignoring my aforementioned belief that worms are a bit icky, doesn’t that seem cruel to you? A small amount of dirt, squeezed between two pieces of glass?

No, there had to be another way.

Fortunately Gina came to my rescue with the following suggestion. I could adopt somebody else’s worm!  Essentially I could pay for the upkeep of a worm to ensure it continues in it’s wormy ways and to maintain it in the lifestyle that it has grown accustomed to.  I’m not exactly sure what lifestyle a worm is accustomed to, but I’m happy not to press the point if it means not having a real life dirt and worm sandwich in my house.  Gina even furnished me with a direction to look in for my worm adoption.

Global Generation

This small child obviously doesn't think worms are icky! Poor deluded child

Now they had an Adopt a Worm drive in 2011, but have not had one in 2012, but I’ve checked the website and they still have a wormery, so it looks like they still need our help.  According to the site  ”We’ve got hundreds of hard-working worms in our gardens waiting for you to make them feel loved. It’s so easy to adopt one (or hundreds) of nature’s unsung heroes this Valentine’s Day. Worms are the world’s hardest workers but we never tell them how much we care. Well now we can. You can sponsor a worm for just £5, a pregnant worm for £25, a wormery for £50 or a worm farmer (who need love too!) for £100.”

Now, ignoring the fact that the writer of the above quoter more than very likely certifiable and focusing on the charm they obviously possess, this means I need to donate a £5 to the charity to ensure a worm in their wormery is adopted and looked after.  I go to their Local Giving Website and make the necessary payments, click Gift Aid and ensure that on the donation form that my money goes towards the adoption of a worm.

In short order I get the following mesage:

Dear Mikey,

Thank you very much for your donation on Localgiving.com!

Your contribution will make a real difference to Global Generation. We hope you’ll share a link to Localgiving.com with your friends and neighbours so they can see how donations like yours help local charities to grow.

Many thanks,

The Localgiving.com Team

Awww, I’ve adopted a worm. I have asked Global Generations if my worm can be called Neville.

I wonder if I get visitation rights.

The secret of life is to have no fear; it's the only way to function. Stokely Carmichael

This is Whimsy the Ferret. The day we got him. For some reason he felt comfortable enough to sleep in the hands of Piers, despite the unfamiliar surroundings.

Some people have a great capacity for love. Some people let it slip through their fingers.

"It is better to rust out than wear out." Edwin Markham